


selfish

by bluexshift



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Post 3x14, magnus introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 01:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18174176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluexshift/pseuds/bluexshift
Summary: everyone he knows would dispute it, but magnus knows for a fact that he is selfish.





	selfish

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know exactly what this is, but i wrote one line for another thing and then it sparked off this thing so.
> 
> magnus bane is the most selfless, generous, giving man and yet i fully believe that he does not see that and views everything good he does as somewhat manipulative
> 
> i have not even proofread this. find me on twitter @aglightwoodbane!

Everyone he knows would dispute it, but Magnus knows for a fact that he is selfish.

He remembers one time, casually and jovially referencing that fact in front of Alec, and instead of receiving a laugh all he got was that pinched-face expression Alec does whenever something confuses him. It’s an adorable face (although, everything Alec does is cute to Magnus, which is impressive since his boyfriend is six-foot-something of scowly runed muscle), but particularly frustrating when aimed at him because Alec is by nature a problem solver and he will inevitably say something ridiculously romantic and Magnus will fall just a little bit more in love with him, as if it’s even possible to do so. But the thing is, there is no problem to fix, just Magnus and the way he is.

And that is selfish.

Most of what he owns, books and trinkets collected over centuries, is in storage. A lot of clothes, too. It’s not too much of an issue, because he can summon them at will now, again, finally, but he can’t deny he misses surrounding himself in his past. Alec had cleared space for him though, in his own wardrobe and drawers and on his shelves without a word. Hell, they hadn’t even really spoken about Magnus moving in – Alec immediately assumed Magnus would come and live with him and despite it being at the _Institute_ of all places, despite the fact that Magnus is richer than god and could easily buy a new house or apartment or entire block of apartments, he just… wanted to.

He wanted Alec’s time, his space, his presence. He thinks, bitterly at times, on Alec asking to move into the loft just a few short weeks ago. He thinks about how, if he had said yes, Lorenzo couldn’t have demanded it as payment, not something that wasn’t his to give. He also thinks about how neither of them had ever expected in their wildest dreams that it would be Magnus moving in with Alec, even though they both knew that one day they would make a home with and in each other.

The loft had become Alec’s home in a way, and Magnus has deprived him of that, because he is selfish.

Alec clears his things to make way for Magnus’s, and Alec is the one to offer a spot on the shelf for his box that he simply cannot bear to part with. Magnus _knows_ that he’s not okay, knows that the foreign magic coursing through his body is at odds with, clashing with the very essence of him, and yet he brushes off Alec’s concern, waves off Catarina via texts (he wonders if Alec and Cat have a friendship based on them both inexplicably loving him).

“Don’t push me away when it gets crazy.” He’d told Alec that once, when their relationship was new and relatively untested, back before Magnus fell deeper in love than he ever recalled being and reached the point where he’d do anything for Alec. He gave up his magic for him in the first place – and he saved Jace, helped defeat Lilith, sure, but both of those things and especially the first came back to Alec in the end, because he cannot even contemplate being without Alec now that he has him, and yet he cannot seem to follow his own words.

Because he is selfish and a hypocrite, too.

 And yet, Izzy and Clary are excited to have him around. Warlocks from around the city and even some not ask for his advice – surreptitiously, mind you, because Lorenzo is a fucking _asshole_ and attempts to blacklist anyone for still liaising with Magnus (it’s lucky that Catarina is well-liked because there’d be riots if Lorenzo went for her). And Alec, his Alexander, seems happy that he’s around. He invites Magnus to spend his days in his office with him, gives him free rein inside the Institute, stares down anyone who tries to start anything. One recruit from Idris starts talking in his own circles about the manipulative warlock that has their weak boss under his thumb, and quickly changes his tune when assigned three months of only ichor duty. He even apologises to Magnus. That kind of care, protection, love, Magnus wants to drown in it, but he can’t let himself do that.

Because that would be selfish.


End file.
